Big Goals

They call it the "youngest country on earth", home of the Kiwi bird, fuzzy like the fruit, a medium toned brown, sporting a long tan beak. Their flag: the same symbol as Britain in the top left corner, and a strange arrangement of four red stars on the right side. Mid summer is at Christmas time, and mid winter is in July. Annual rainfall in the North Island is about 50 to 60 inches. Population: 4,268, 600...compared to America's 304, 059, 724. Welcome to New Zealand, my one and only dream land. We all have those, some wish it was Hawaii, others Maine, some Italy, others France. For me, the long stretches of nothing but grass and hills and mountainous land is Heaven. I guess starting now would be a good idea. I have such a big dream that sometimes I laugh at myself and say it's not going to work that way. I want to own a farm, one of those farms where on the holidays you go and pick pumpkins out, or apples, or strawberries, or whatever is in season. I want one of those. With some billy goats, and horse or two, and some pigs, and of course the cow. And just for the heck of it, an alpaca. Of course, lovie over here wants to own his own bakery. Ha, something we can't put together huh? A farm and a bakery? Who wants to eat with the pigs haha. Well anyways, we picked this house out to be our model for our future home. No matter where we end up, and whether or not I have my farm and he has his bakery..life will be grand. Hold me to it if you must, but we will accomplish our goals one by one.

Truly Thankful on Thanksgiving

Well, for the past eighteen years Thanksgiving has been a whole new adventure. I can't remember the names of the siblings, and parents and relatives i had before being adopted, but just three years ago I had and Aunt Ellen, an Uncle Fred, a great Aunt Nora, a grandmother Rosalie, whom i called Avo, a mother Jackie, and a Yorkie; Coco. The other side of that family was a father Shaun, a step mother Janine, two step sisters, Alicia and Keira, and a chocolate lab; Marlee. The year after was a mother Jen, a father Steve, two foster sisters, Rebecca and Kaitlyn, a foster brother; Christopher, 2 grandfathers, who's names I don't actually know, a grandmother, who's name I don't know, a great grandmother, who's name I don't know either, and four dogs and three cats..Zues, King, Dixie, Buddy, Marlee, Sylvester, and Smokey. The only people that haven't changed have been my two birth sisters Jessie and Crystal. This year Thanksgiving was with no mother, no father, no aunts or uncles, no siblings, not even foster siblings or parents. This year Thanksgiving was with my boyfriend and his parents. This year everything is with them, because I've given up on trying to find the right family. None of them have ever been my own, so I've given up. The next time I have a family will be when the children are my own, the father is my husband and the mother is me, and the aunts are my sisters.

However, this Thanksgiving I learned another lesson; there is always something to be grateful for; whether it be the pants you have on, while torn and dirty, still warmer than none, the elastic around your wrist so u may have the leisure to pull your hair out of your face, or the bed you get to have for a night, alone or not, its better than the hard wood floor your used to, or the occasional crammed onto a love seat.

In the past few years things have been thrown at me that I never thought I'd see. Most would think it would change who I am, but in all reality it made me proud to be the woman I am. I stand tall, even with my hair a mess, and smelly clothes. I know that people judge me by the way that I look, I know that people judge me by the money I don't have anymore, and that's unfortunate for them, because I am someone worth getting to know.

So this Thanksgiving I want to thank all my old families, thank you for showing me that I need to stand up for myself. Thank you for not being fake, had you have been, I would never have seen your true intentions with me. You didn't have to use or walk all over me, I'm nice enough that really all you had to do was ask. Thank you for allowing me to see who you all really were. I want to thank the friends I have; without them i would be lonely, I would have more journals filled than I can fit in my bag.