Just A Thought

The warmth of your blood coursing through your vains. You can't feel the flow. Your body is syncronized with gravity. The flow of blood and energy moves at a pace too fast for you to feel. You don't question it. The sensitivity in the tips of your fingers, the uncontrolled twitches in your legs, the speed at which your hair grows at. You have no control over your body. Cancer, cancer runs along your bones; picking and choosing its' home. You have no control. The feeling that spreads through your chest when you feel the lips of your lover on you. You can't explain the the vulnerability. You want it gone; with it you are destructable. You are an organism, an organism who's anatomy is so incredibly complex that you fall victim to yourself. How do you lift your hand up, what tells you to move your fingers, what tells you to write? What's making your eyes follow these words that I have typed? Question yourself; how much do you know about yourself? You know the altered emotions. Do you know the reasons they exist? Do you know what exactly it is that creates them? You know when you are happy or sad, you know when you are mad, but you don't know why or how you got to that state of mind. you say you are strong. Wer all say we are strong. We are made out to be the brightest of species. The flaw in that is that WE say it. We are a concieted species; we think we have life figured out, but we are merely puppets. Puppets to our own brains which we did not create. Nature will always trump man made sciences. What will it take for us to realize that we do not have control?

It Happened

You're right here beside me, it's finally real, it happened. You're everything I've ever wanted in a man, a lover, a partner, a friend. You've been good to me so far and I know you'll always be this way with me. We've got a lot ahead of us babe, life's gonna throw us for some loops, but we got this ;) I love you more than anything and I know that no matter what we face we'll find a way to get through the hours, and the days <3 Stay strong babe and you'll finish first. <3

Oh Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds,
and whose breath gives life to all the world
-hear me-

I come before you, one of your children.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and make my eyes ever
behold the red and purple sunset.

Make my hands respect the things you have made,
my ears sharp to hear your voice.
Make me wise, so that I may know the things
you have taught my People,
the lesson you have hidden in every leaf and rock.

I seek strength not to be superior to my brothers,
but to be able to fight my greatest enemy, myself.
Make me ever ready to come to you,
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades as a fading sunset,
my spirit may come to you without shame.

I'll take you to where the world is upside down

Where air is unnecessary

Darkness heightens your sensations

Swallow the embracing tides

Follow the streams

Find tranquility

Dare to open your eyes

The sting of ocean salt..has it disappeared?

The creatures amongst you have feared your arrival

Will you take advantage?

Will you be overpowering in a world not of your own?

No longer a virgin to Poseidon's home

Water: the bases of life, and the cause of many deaths

Never be in fear of the elements

For your body was made from them

Are you ready to indulge in a new realm?

"Let your mind start a journey through a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you know before. Let your soul take you where you long to be. Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before"

-Phantom of the Opera

 Bide within the Law you must, in perfect Love and perfect Trust. Live you must and let to live, fairly take and fairly give. For tread the Circle thrice about to keep unwelcome spirits out. To bind the spell well every time, let the spell be said in rhyme. Light of eye and soft of touch, speak you little, listen much.

Honor the Old Ones in deed and name, let love and light be our guides again. Deosil go by the waxing moon, chanting out the joyful tune. Widdershins go when the moon doth wane, and the werewolf howls by the dread wolfsbane. When the Lady's moon is new, kiss the hand to Her times two. When the moon rides at Her peak then your heart's desire seek. Heed the North winds mighty gale, lock the door and trim the sail. When the Wind blows from the East, expect the new and set the feast. When the wind comes from the South, love will kiss you on the mouth. When the wind whispers from the West, all hearts will find peace and rest. Nine woods in the Cauldron go, burn them fast and burn them slow. Birch wood in the fire goes to represent what the Lady knows. Oak in the forest, towers with might in the fire it brings the God's insight. Rowan is a tree of power causing life and magick to flower. Willows at the waterside stand ready to help us to the Summerland. Hawthorn is burned to purify and to draw faerie to your eye. Hazel-the tree of wisdom and learning- adds its strength to the bright fire burning. White are the flowers of Apple tree that brings us fruits of fertility. Grapes grow upon the vine giving us both joy and wine. Fir does mark the evergreen to represent immortality seen. But - Elder is the Lady's tree burn it not or cursed you'll be. Four times the Major Sabbats mark in the light and in the dark. As the old year starts to wane the new begins, it's now Samhain. When the time for Imbolg shows watch for flowers through the snows. When the wheel begins to turn soon the Beltane fires will burn. As the wheel turns to Lammas night power is brought to magick rite. Four times the Minor Sabbats fall use the Sun to mark them all. When the wheel has turned to Yule light the log the Horned One rules. In the spring, when night equals day time for Ostara to come our way. When the Sun has reached it's height time for Oak and Holly to fight. Harvesting comes to one and all when the Autumn Equinox does fall. Heed the flower, bush, and tree By the Lady blessed you'll be. Where the rippling waters go cast a stone, the truth you'll know. When you have and hold a need, harken not to others greed. With a fool no season spend Lest you be counted as his friend. Merry Meet and Merry Part bright the cheeks and warm the heart. Mind the Three-fold Laws you should three times bad and three times good. When misfortune is enow wear the star upon your brow. True in love you must ever be unless your love is false to thee. Eight words the Rede fulfil "An' ye harm none, do what ye wilt".

Motivating You

The time is coming for you to pick up your life, shove it in the back seat of your car and move forward. Butterflies? Hell yes. Excited? Of course. You're the lead guy here. You're the one at the top. You feel like if you fail everything falls. Well, you're completely wrong; not only will you not fail, but you are not alone, you are not the only one in this. You will have help whenever you need it, you will have all the support you can get. Doubt is going to visit you, but you'll have someone to help you get through everything. Never take life too seriously. Go with the flow. Jeremy you are going to be fine. You are going to succeed. Never be ashamed to make a mistake, never be ashamed to ask for help. You're smarter, wiser, and more mature than you think. You have the potential and ability to finish what needs to be done. I'll be there every step of the way for you. You want me there; I'll be there. Hold your head up, walk forward, and expect a great life.

Dear Ohio

It's times like these when you sit back and ponder if what you're doing is the right thing for yourself and those effected by the things you do. You wonder if the pros outweigh the cons. Babi, you're on the right track, and I'm not saying that because it's bringing you to me, but because you're stepping outside your comfort zone, you're doing what you need to do to provide better for your children. If you ever come to a point in your life where you don't think you can continue or succeed, let me in, let me help. I'm always going to be here to encourage you, I'm on your side. You don't have to work solo, I'm your partner in it all. I've grown to love you more than I've loved another, in such a short period of time, normally that would scare me, but this time, it excites me. You're everything I could ever ask for in a man and more. We'll have a good life hunni, and because we're both stubborn it'll be fun ;) Smile hun, you're doing alright.

"The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes."

Benjamin Disraeli

There's always been something about park benches that has caught my imagination.

Reoccurring Dreams

So lately I've been having this awful dream that leaves me waking in a panic. I'm in this house. Or mansion I should say because this place was humongous. I lived in the house with a group of other people. I cannot name the people because they were faceless. A group of men came into the house and opened fire on me and the other people in the house. The men were dressed in suits, as if they were high class killers. all I could do was hide in the closet. And watch as people were slaughtered. And every morning I wake up right as the closet door opens. That's it. I wake up in a panic; sweating and panting. This dream has visited me many times now. And I get nervous when I go to bed now.

The Beginning of My Determination

It feels like desperation. I want so much to go somewhere, remove myself from this place. My room with its 4 walls and one window just isn't enough. Call me needy, but I want more. I want to walk across a farm, with a bale of hay over my shoulder. I want dirt on my knees from pulling out weeds. I'm done with fancy phones, and fast cars. I'm tired of the new game systems and the ipods. I'm sick of looking at people with over sized shirts and pants half way down their thighs. I'm sick of the tilted hats and the broken English. I sit on my bed after I come home from work and the aggravation and boredom with my life almost brings tears to my eyes. I desperately want to close my bedroom door behind me when I leave and never walk back in it. I want to see monuments, to go on tours inside museums, to take pictures, to smell flowers from around the world, to pick strawberries and apples. I want to grow pumpkins, to pet alpacas, to feed pigs. I want to see wooden fences not metal gates. I want to see grass, not littered concrete. I have so much time, yet it feels like its not enough. I want spontaneity. I want to write letters and keep a traveler's journal. I want to love my life.

Help me S e E.

Help me B r E a T h.

Help me S p E a K.

Help me L a U g H.

Help me L o V e.

Help me L i V e.

The tears from my eyes were forced out as I shut my eyelids. Standing in front of the train tracks, I counted as 

 they went by: "1.....2.....3.....", pondering which one I'd step onto. A train going outbound...where my internal 

boundaries would be broken. I was going to leave the state, leave this life behind. Run away.